It’s only January, but already people are asking me about my spring break plans. Sometimes I’ll give the usual answers: Vegas, California, Florida, Costa Rica, or maybe Antarctica. In Vegas, you can hope to recreate everyone’s favorite Wolf Pack antics. In California and Florida you can go for the beaches and swimsuit clad models. In Antarctica, you can play with penguins, those little guys in business suits that’ll dance and sing their way into your cold heart. However, there are times I’ll actually think long and hard about places I’d like to visit. Instead of real world destinations, I dream about the videogame locations I’d love to visit. As far as I know they aren’t real, but that doesn’t mean one can’t dream about visiting them.

10. Tuchanka (Mass Effect series)

I’ll admit this probably isn’t on anyone’s top list of places to visit, let alone any top list, but it’s always on mine. The planet was once habitable for all types of life, a garden world if you will, but after the Krogans split the atom, the fallout killed everything. Now the remaining plants will eat you for breakfast, the predators will eat you for lunch, and the warring Krogan clans will decimate you before bedtime. Surface temperatures outside of the habitable zones, which are under force fields, make the sun feel cold. I can completely understand if you’re not on board with visiting Tuchanka yet.

What makes this place so great is their overly violent and blunt attitudes. No one sugarcoats anything and they expect nothing less from you. For example, think about how many times you’ve sat behind the guy at the movie theatre with his cellphone out and you don’t say anything. On Tuchanka, you’d be free to take his phone and chuck it out the door. He’d respect you. And remember all those arm wrestling matches you lost? They have head-butting instead. First one unconscious loses. I’ve got a thick skull, so I’m sure I could make a name for myself. Plus, everyone knows head-butting is the new arm wrestling.

9. Address Unknown – Funhouse (Max Payne 2)

Who doesn’t want to visit a funhouse based off a TV show where the main character is aschizophrenic killer? When I have kids, I want to have a way to make sure they don’t get out of line like I did. Why not hold the threat of visiting the Address Unknown funhouse over their heads? It puts any good Halloween haunted house to shame. You get shot at, there’s potential to be burned alive, and you can’t make it through without at least one swing of a painkiller bottle. And all that is great for an adrenaline junkie like myself.

8. Skyloft (The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword)

This place simply rules due to some small but amazing facts. Everyone goes to the Knight Academy to train to be, you guessed it, a knight! And when you think knight, you think horses and boring crusades. In Skyloft, you’d be dead wrong. Every resident has their own personal Loftwing, a ginormous bird which catches you every time you dive off the island. Remember, the trick to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing. That’s what your trusty Loftwing is for, but please don’t go about trying that around here. Did I forget to mention that Skyloft is a series of floating islands high above the clouds?

7. Skyrim (Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim)

Were you waiting for me to mention this wonderfully realized world? Well, I only have two simple reasons why I’d love to go there.  First: Putting a bucket on someone’s head allows you to commit any crime. Any. I can finally start my bucket collection! Second: Dragons. ‘Nuff said.

6. Halo (Halo series)

A giant ring in the middle of space capable of wiping out life across the entire universe? Count me in. It’s a power trip like you’d never be able to have here on Earth. Every vacation day spent on Halo would be a day I’d spend wondering if Halo really could end all life in the universe. Like, if I pressed the button, would it really work? It’s pretty old and sometimes things don’t work after thousands of years, so it’s worth a shot. Plus, imagine the news headlines after you did press it and did wipe out all life. Oh, never mind. There wouldn’t be anyone left to report the news.

On the other hand, the landscape of a Halo is rather majestic, putting any seven wonders on our planet to shame. Sure, there is the Flood and occasional visit by Covenant forces and Master Chief, but you can’t live with a doomsday button nearby and not expect company. Also, great picture opportunities for your scrapbook.

5. Arkham City (Batman: Arkham City)

You live by your own rules or the rules of the super villain that controls the area of the city you live in. That’s it. Enjoy. I’d have so many pictures after I visited. You’d see the Penguin, Two-Face, Catwoman, and maybe catch a glimpse of The Joker and Batman in the middle of a fight. And that’s just scratching the surface of celebrities you’d have a chance of meeting and/or seeing. I don’t like paparazzi, but this is the one time I totally understand the impulse to take hundreds of pictures of famous people.

4. Raccoon City (Resident Evil series)

I know my friends and I have dreamt up thousands of scenarios about the coming zombie apocalypse, but in Raccoon City, those dreams are reality. Sure, we know the land better here, but at least they actually have zombies.  I don’t want to dream about being a survivor of the zombie apocalypse anymore, I want to be one. There are discounted airline tickets for flights into the city when you have groups larger than fifty…who wants to come along? Did I mention it’s a one-way flight?  Just imagine all the zombie killing you’ll be doing -it’ll be worth it.

3. Mushroom Kingdom (Mario series) 

If college doesn’t pan out for me, I’d definitely get stuck working as a plumber.  This isn’t a popular profession, and I’m not sure how good my plumber crack is, but I’ve heard some people have had a blast with the profession. Two such men are Mario and Luigi and they are heroes…and plumbers. That doesn’t normally go together, but in the Mushroom Kingdom they do. Eating mushrooms isn’t frowned upon, but in fact encouraged. They make you stronger. Eating flowers of various colors can give you powers, like fireballs. Gathering feathers gives you the ability of flight. And jumping on people shorter than you is the only way to survive.

2. Minecraft

I say Minecraft because this is where YOU make the world you want to live in. I couldn’t argue with the prospects of visiting a place made to my exact specifications. Restaurants where I don’t have to pay or tip the wait staff? Castles with every single secret passage my little brain could dream up? Cavern systems full of traps and treasures? All this and more! I can’t wait to build the first nudist colony in a recreation of New York and visit whenever it pleases me.

1. Vice City (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City)

Remember when your parents said the 80s were simply amazing? Yeah, me neither. But in Vice City, the 80s thrives on coke, blood, and amazing radio stations playing your favorite oldies. And it’s fun. But don’t worry, the fun can come to an end from time to time when buddies backstab you for a mile high mound of coke. Before that happens, enjoy the sights. Steal cars, motorcycles, helicopters, and boats and crash them into whatever you can see in front of you. I don’t like crashes, so that wouldn’t be my thing, but running my own thriving coke dynasty sounds like loads of fun. Women, money, power, and an amazing tan, what more could you ask for? Well, before your buddy backstabs you, like I mentioned earlier. Power comes with a price and sometimes it’s just as simple as a briefcase full of dough. That’s why the 80s is so fun. Well, not the 80s my parents lived through.

-Ryan Malin-